Naked Bones

I want to open myself up to you

Completely

Show myself to you

Exactly as I am

Completely as I am

No reservations

No holding back.

But I am afraid.

 

I am afraid that if I opened up

Let you see me as I am

You would walk away.

Leave.

 

I am afraid that I will open myself up to you

Strip down all the walls

All the facades

All the fake charades

That I show everyone else

I will be the one standing there

Emotionally naked

Emotionally bare

And you will look inside.

 

I am afraid that you will see me there

Emotionally Naked

Emotionally Bare

And you will look

And you will discover

That there is nothing you want

Nothing you desire

Housed in my lonely bones

 

I am afraid you will discover

That there is nothing you want

Hidden throughout my bones

And you will leave

 

I am afraid you will leave

After seeing me

Emotionally Naked

Emotionally Bare

And I will be left alone

Emotionally Naked

Emotionally Bare

Wishing that these

Lonely

Grey

and sad, sad bones

were enough for you

 

I am afraid you will leave

And I will be left alone

Emotionally Naked

Emotionally Bare

Crumpled on the ground

My pale ivory bones naked in the moonlight

Wishing that what my body holds

Was what you wanted.

 

(t.c)

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Missing

You are the experience that changed my life.

You brought me so much

 

So many things

I hadn’t known I was missing

I hadn’t even known were there

 

You brought me things I knew I was missing

And I was looking in all the wrong places for them

 

Trying to make up for what I had lost

In all different kinds of wrong ways

 

You showed me what I means to truly care for someone

To truly love

 

Because I truly love you

 

With everything I have

 

With everything I am

 

(t.c)

 

Ashamed

I think of you endlessly

In the hours of the night

And always when the sun is shining

You occupy every part of my brain

All my bright places

All my creepy, shadowed halls

And all the walled off rooms and places

I am so ashamed of.

 

You slip into places

That I try so hard to hide

You know all the times

The Places

The Faces

I am so ashamed of.

 

I tried so hard

So hard to shield you

From all the things that

I despise about myself

All the chapters that

It pains me to remember

All those moments

I am so ashamed of.

 

I tried so hard to hide from you

To convince us both

That I should keep that part of myself

All of those chapters

Locked inside

Never to be seen again

All of the mistakes

I am so ashamed of.

 

I wanted to pretend it would be better for you

To not know all of those

Horrible

Terrible

Things about me

But you were adamant it seemed

Determined

To know everything that

I am so ashamed of.

 

(t.c)

Sight

I would like to see every part of you.

the part you love

that you show off

and proudly display

because it is the best part of you

and the sunlight is always on it

and there is never any dust

because you want everyone to see.

 

I would like to see every part of you.

the part you like

but that you leave alone

with just a little dust on it

and just a little sunlight

because you don’t care if people see.

 

I would like to see every part of you

the part you keep hidden away

from the sunlight

the parts of yourself you try to hide

Because you’re not sure if you want anyone to see.

 

I would like to see every part of you.

the part you are ashamed of

that you try to run from

and put behind you

like a regretted lover

Because you’re almost certain you don’t want anyone to see.

 

I would like to see every part of you.

the part you despise

that you keep locked

inside a apocalypse proof safe

that way

no one could ever see them.

Because you know you will never want anyone to see.

 

I would like to know every part of you

Every curve of your body

Every freckle and scar

All your deepest secrets

And your biggest fears

Show them all to me

Show yourself to me

Because I know I will always want to see.

(t.c)

Untitled

I sit,

Watching the hands move

Along the clock

Thinking of your hands

Running along my body

Awakening my soul

Bringing me to life.

 

I sit,

Hearing the drone of their voices

In the background of my thoughts

Thinking of your words

Washing over me

Lighting up my soul

Bringing me to life.

 

I sit,

Watching their lips move

Saying words that are pointless to me

Thinking of your lips

On mine

And Whispering

Those sweet words

And feeling the brush of your lips

Kissing my soul

Bringing me to life.

 

I sit,

Seeing them walk, run

Wishing I could run to you.

Though I know I cannot.

You are far away

and I am here

Missing you

Missing the things you do

that always

Bring me to life.

 

(t.c)

dear you.. again,

I cant get you out of my head. Everything i see reminds me of you. Even sneezing, eating, and breathing remind me of you. I can’t be with you anymore and its hurting me more than I would ever tell you. I wish I could but I wouldn’t be able to find the words, one look at you, one glance at that smile and I would melt and become incomprehensible. I miss you like crazy..all the time. I thought of whats going to happen to you today…and it made me cry. I just want there to be another option, a different outcome but I know there wont be and there is literally nothing I can do to make one. I thought of all the things we were supposed to do together, all of our thought out plans. You were supposed to play me a song, come see me preform, we were going to go to the dance, spend Halloween watching the kids come down your street, stay up late together on new years on the phone. Now we wont get to do any of that. I know we’ll both move on, we were going to have to anyway. I know i’ll be okay and i’ll find someone and he wont stress me out like you did, he wont do the same things you did, and he’ll be amazing in his way. But he still wont be you, and I think i’ll probably always miss you because there were no options for us. I’ll move on and i’ll be happy, maybe we’ll do all the things you and I won’t get to, maybe i wont think about you for a couple days, maybe even a week will pass and you wont be on my mind, but then there will be a time and i’ll sit and all of a sudden you’ll be there again, front and center, consuming all of my brain. I’ll feel nostalgic, and ill think of all the wonderful times we had together, when i felt so in love and so perfectly happy I didnt want it to end. and i’ll miss you again, like I do now. I’ll be happy, but he won’t make me feel like you did, this rollarcoaster of emotions i feel for you. He wont make me feel like you. He won’t make me feel paranoid, worried, stressed, going crazy, wondering if you got in trouble again one minute then the next blissfully happy, content, calm, and very in love the next. and thats when i’ll miss you the most when i feel the pull in my chest, and the sadness i feel when i realize youre not here. Maybe that’ll be better than this, but by that point you’ll be gone and i’ll have to move on. Maybe it won’t be better, because at least for now you’re still here, and I can still see you here. I suppose I won’t know until its really time for you to go. I miss you though, maybe you feel the same way I do. Or maybe you’ve already moved on to some girl who is less of a mess and who can be with you. But hopefully you miss me too.

love,

me