dear you.. again,

I cant get you out of my head. Everything i see reminds me of you. Even sneezing, eating, and breathing remind me of you. I can’t be with you anymore and its hurting me more than I would ever tell you. I wish I could but I wouldn’t be able to find the words, one look at you, one glance at that smile and I would melt and become incomprehensible. I miss you like crazy..all the time. I thought of whats going to happen to you today…and it made me cry. I just want there to be another option, a different outcome but I know there wont be and there is literally nothing I can do to make one. I thought of all the things we were supposed to do together, all of our thought out plans. You were supposed to play me a song, come see me preform, we were going to go to the dance, spend Halloween watching the kids come down your street, stay up late together on new years on the phone. Now we wont get to do any of that. I know we’ll both move on, we were going to have to anyway. I know i’ll be okay and i’ll find someone and he wont stress me out like you did, he wont do the same things you did, and he’ll be amazing in his way. But he still wont be you, and I think i’ll probably always miss you because there were no options for us. I’ll move on and i’ll be happy, maybe we’ll do all the things you and I won’t get to, maybe i wont think about you for a couple days, maybe even a week will pass and you wont be on my mind, but then there will be a time and i’ll sit and all of a sudden you’ll be there again, front and center, consuming all of my brain. I’ll feel nostalgic, and ill think of all the wonderful times we had together, when i felt so in love and so perfectly happy I didnt want it to end. and i’ll miss you again, like I do now. I’ll be happy, but he won’t make me feel like you did, this rollarcoaster of emotions i feel for you. He wont make me feel like you. He won’t make me feel paranoid, worried, stressed, going crazy, wondering if you got in trouble again one minute then the next blissfully happy, content, calm, and very in love the next. and thats when i’ll miss you the most when i feel the pull in my chest, and the sadness i feel when i realize youre not here. Maybe that’ll be better than this, but by that point you’ll be gone and i’ll have to move on. Maybe it won’t be better, because at least for now you’re still here, and I can still see you here. I suppose I won’t know until its really time for you to go. I miss you though, maybe you feel the same way I do. Or maybe you’ve already moved on to some girl who is less of a mess and who can be with you. But hopefully you miss me too.




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